im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
