Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
