I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
