It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
