i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
