you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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