between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
