im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
