Kiss
Puke
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
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