I just threw up on my dentist
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
