We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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