No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
love makes seman taste better
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
