You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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