bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
