I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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