Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina is very pro this idea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
