You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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