I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
