she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
