Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
