i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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