the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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