you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
