so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
