watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My dick has a subreddit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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