dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i came on her dog
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
