I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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