Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I forget how to act sober
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