Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
