took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
