I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
