You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
