i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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