Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
