Need sex. Gaining weight.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
