the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
