@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
