On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
