did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
