We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
