Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
