Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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