All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
