i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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