I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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