I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
