someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
