i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
