Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
