you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
