i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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