In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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