She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
