you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
